Life On The Farm

What a day!

Yesterday, my oldest son and I ran around planting all kinds of various things I had bought recently...privacy shrubs, cherry trees, peach trees, raspberry bushes, magnolia trees, etc.  The weather report was stating that rain would be our best friend for the next few days so I wanted to get in as much as I could so that I didn't have to worry about watering everything myself.

I went to bed and woke up to thunder and rain.  I got up, made a pot of coffee and stepped out onto the porch to see how everything was doing.  All of a sudden a huge clap of thunder boomed over my head...you know the kind of thunder that you can feel inside because it's so loud?  I decided that being outside was not real bright so I headed inside and sat down at my computer to find that the internet wasn't working.

No problem!  I'll just reset the modem!

3 hours later after being on the phone with my telephone company, we figured out that the modem was fried...probably because of the lightening.  My phone company was very helpful and courteous, acknowledging the hassle of being without internet would bring (actually, they really had no idea lol).  They informed me that they would ship me out a new one for free, sending it overnight and it would arrive Tuesday!  Being that today is Saturday, they wouldn't be able to ship it out till Monday.

Tuesday?  Are they nuts? lol  I have so much going on that there's no way I can handle all I have to do on the internet with my iPhone alone lol.  I thanked them for all their help, sat down and began to think of a Plan B.

Walmart has become my best shopping friend since I moved to the country so my son and I headed out in the pouring rain on a mission.  Thankfully, they had a wireless modem that would work with my internet service.

We then went to my 2nd best shopping friend since I moved to the country...Home Depot, and stocked up supplies to paint my great room.  I've decided that I miss the textured walls that I had in Miami and have been slowly going room to room and plastering the walls before I repaint them.  It's amazing what you can pick up at Home Depot and I never, ever, ever dreamed I would feel happy about buying a new hammer.

How life has changed these past 4 years...

I had planned on having my son paint 1/2 the ceiling in the great room but just as I was about to get everything organized to do so, the excavator stopped by to look at the area I need excavated so that I can build my new barn.  Of course he wanted to hear all about the dogs, so an hour later he finally left, and by then it was time to feed all the animals.

My son thought it would be a good idea to open the Xpen where the puppies are so that they could all swarm out at once.  We were changing their bedding so we needed them out so that we could freshen their little hotel up.  As was expected, the puppies came swarming out in various directions until I started to sweep up all the straw.  THEN they all wanted to sit right in the middle of the pile of straw I had just swept up, scattering it in a million directions again.  Finally, they found Canan  and their desire to nurse surpassed their desire to make a mess so it bought us enough time to get everything set up and then we put them back into captivity in this Xpen hotel again.

I had a treat waiting for them because today was the day it was time to start them on a little solid food.  I had the puppy pans all ready with fresh ground chicken wings mixed with freshly milked goats milk and it didn't take them long to not only find the pans, but to begin to slurp up the goodies inside.  It was absolutely adorable to watch them eat their fill and then toddle off to the side like drunken sailors, where they promptly passed out.  In puppies, full tummies equals nap time...kind of like how my dad is lol (how much you want to bet that I'll either get an email or phone call about that last comment of mine lolol :)  ).

As we finished that up my daughter informed me that the hotwire on the fencing in front of the house wasn't working, so back outside we went, trying to figure out why.  Long story short, the back of the charger had literally blown out about an inch and I guess I'm lucky a fire didn't start.  It wouldn't have mattered, it's been pouring rain all day but suddenly I found myself with a cold fence.  We went and checked the other charger on another fence and it was blown too.  I didn't check the charger on the fence for the pigs because I forgot about it till now (lol) but I'm sure they'll stay put for the night.  Thankfully I have some backup chargers so we got those installed and made a trip to the Tractor Supply store in Murphy, NC because I don't like being without backup chargers for the reasons that happened today.  I picked myself up a solar charger because I've been wanting to try them out.  I bought 2 extra chargers that require electricity, just in case.  The poor store stayed opened an extra 45 minutes while we finished our shopping...I was oblivious to the time and felt bad but they more than earned the benefit of their kindness...we walked out with a ton of things...mostly fence building supplies...another 4000' of high tensile wire and a slew of other things.

We made it home close to 9:30pm just in time to eat dinner lol.  While we ate, I baked some chocolate chip cookies from some dough I had made the other day.  I ate a little, and then made a CCC icecream sandwich...with chocolate icecream stuffed inside 2 cookies.

Ok, I'll admit it.  I made one and ate it, and then made another one and ate that one too!

I finally sat down with my new wireless dsl modem, anxious to write a blog and post some pictures we took earlier this evening.  As I started to write, my eyes were feeling dry (I wear contacts) so I walked over to the shelf and picked up a bottle of eye drops to moisten my contacts with.  I tilted my head back and poured some in my left eye when all of a sudden it started burning like you wouldn't believe.  I realized what I had done and ran to the sink where I began flushing my eye out with fresh, cold water.  It was burning as I tried to take the contact out...the last thing I needed was to trap some of that stuff inbetween the contact and my eye and it was hard to get it out.  I eventually did but if you never knew this before, don't ever put tea tree oil in your eyes.  It's a huge NONO.  *sigh*

I use tea tree oil in the dogs ears once in a while and had forgotten that I had taken an old contacts fluid bottle and put the solution inside.

Suffice it to say that I'm now wearing glasses as I write this particular blog.  I think I've flushed my eye out adequately enough but I'm suddenly tired from the day...no internet for hours, blown hotwire fence chargers, pouring rain with lightening strikes and thunder sprinkled in.

On days like this, it makes those two chocolate chip cookies filled with icecream the highlight of my day.

I think I'm going to go post a few puppy pictures and then crash for the night and get up on the other side of the bed in the morning.

;)

I spent all last night and several hours this morning searching for the perfect name to a new little addition to my farm...

I've known for a while that she would be coming, but didn't think much about a name until I was informed yesterday that I need to supply the name that I'm going to name her.

Before I get her.

My daughter typically will name all the puppies in the litters we have.  Some of the names are names I'd never dream of naming anything, but she derives great delight in coming up with names off the top of her head that had meaning to her.  An example of some of the puppy names she's bestowed on several puppies are: Eugene, Stubby, PuddleButt, etc.

Now me?  I have to think and ponder and go around and around and around until the right name comes along.  I have to laugh at myself over the agony I sometimes go through picking a name.  I think it's because it's important to me that it accurately represent 'whatever/whoever' and sometimes only time reveals what name would fit perfectly.

I think about the names I named my children.  Some took me a while to come up with, some were very quick.  When I saw the name, I knew it was the perfect name for the child who was yet unborn.

When I named my farm, it took me a couple of years.  I sometimes look at the names others have named their farm...some of them are silly and some of them cause one to think, "now that's really kewl!".

I had some friends who would hound me asking, "what's the name of your farm?".  "I don't know", I'd say.  "You HAVE to name your farm!"...well daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...I know I needed to name my farm, but until the "right" name came to mind, it would remain nameless.

Finally, my friends got together and sat me down and informed me it was time to name my farm.  Not! I thought to myself...it can't be just any name...it has to have meaning, even if it's only to me.  They offered various suggestions..."no...no...no...no...no...", until one person made a comment about how everyone knew how much I loved the Lord and His Word, so perhaps I could think of a name that had to do with that.

THAT suggestion caught my attention.  As I've written in the "About Us" area, this move from the city wasn't my idea...it was His.  Something that alluded to Him or His Word was something I'd be interested in doing.  So I thought and thought and thought until I remembered something that is referenced in the Psalms a few times that had always captured my heart.  For some reason, the analogy He uses to describe a position He desires for us, stunned me, touched me, moved me.

Psalm 36:7: "How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
   People take refuge in the shadow of your wings."

Psalm 91:1 and 4 : "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
   will rest in the shadow of the Almighty...He will cover you with his feathers,
   and under his wings you will find refuge;"

Psalm 57:1: "I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings
   until the disaster has passed."

Psalm 17:8: "Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings,"

Psalm 63:7: "for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy"

To me, finding rest, peace, shelter, safety beneath the shadow of His wings is comforting.  Although it's normal for me to want to do all I can to insure all that myself for my family, the truth remains that only He can do all things.

So that's how I came up with the name Shadow Wings Farm.

As I search through various names looking for one that has meaning to me, along with liking the way it sounds (lol), suffice it to say that I'm still looking lol.  I don't like feeling rushed to pick something that is important, but one thing is for sure...

I'll let you know as soon as I figure it out lol.

I will say that we have a surprise coming to Shadow Wings Farm.  It's a surprise I never dreamed I'd receive.  But then, I never dreamed I'd be living on a farm with all the animals I now have.  She's very special on a variety of levels and I can't wait to hold her in my arms.

Just as He multiplied 3 fish and 5 loaves of bread to feed 5000, He blessed my single strand of high tensile wire and it is now FIVE strands!!!!!

Not only that, but I also have a "pretty fencing" project going on, and I was able to get half of that finished today and oh my gosh! it really does look awesome!  I have a grassy area outside of my kitchen area that I hired someone to fence in and it was ugly.  I had the boards taken down, moved the posts so that the area was larger and started putting up 2x6 rough sawn lumber boards up.  The boards are really nice looking because they're natural and rustic.  While this is not necessarily true, it sure feels like I've accomplished more today than I have in a long, long time!!!

*doing the happy city girl/country girl dance*

I'm as beat today, as I was yesterday but my heart is soaring because it feels so good to work hard and be able to actually see it.  So many times the work around here doesn't show for a while, then all of a sudden it'll start to POP!  Well, today was a gift because as each strand of hotwire was pulled and nailed in place, I could see progress that made me soooooooooooo very happy!  I only have 2 more strands to go and then it will really and truly be finished!

I have to confess though that I didn't do it by myself.  :)  A man who helped me over the winter doing some fencing work in the big pasture stopped by to see if I needed any help.  I couldn't put him to work fast enough!  He got to do all that guy stuff and I got to stand there and tell him how much I appreciated how quick and efficient he was.  Now THAT'S the way I like to work!  :)  lolol

Once he left for the day, I was on a mission.  Pretty.  I need pretty!...so "pretty" was the order of the day.  Now I must admit, that most would balk at calling fencing "pretty", and I guess it isn't so much "pretty" as it is...well, what is it?  I can't think of the right word lol.  Whatever the right word is, it LOOKS it!  The board fencing I worked on late this afternoon is really looking nice.  It adds that touch that was missing, and it looks so much better than what the other guy had put together.  Truth be known, the boards he had used, I ended up using on my chicken coop fencing.  That should give you an idea of how appropriate his ugly boards were.

'Nuff said.

:)

On another note, why does He so often take us to the end of our ropes where we feel bewildered, battered and full of chagrin?  Perhaps you're different, but I'm not always graceful at that point.  That's the point He's often taken me to, where my feelings feel hurt because I don't understand and I'm not happy with how I'm handling everything.

He then steps in and in simple, small, yet deeply meaningful ways, orchestrates something that reminds us that not only is He aware of all we are dealing with, but that it's His heart is moved as He watches.

And then, He bridges the gap.

+

This is the third blog I've attempted to write this week.  The other two are quite long but were never finished and have been saved as drafts.  Usually when I write, it 'feels right' by the time I get to the end of it, and as I droned on and on in the other two, it just started feeling 'not right'...whatever that means lol...

It's been a week that I sure hope I don't have to revisit anytime soon, if ever.  I had electricians here for several days beginning to do some of the work that needs to be done on the houses and land...moving meter boxes, adding and subtracting outlets, lights, etc.  On and on it goes and they haven't even finished the houses lol.

My sons came up to visit...my younger son needed his wisdom teeth pulled so I took him to an oral surgeon and he's all set now, but it was hard to make fruit smoothies when they had my power off all day.

One of my ewes had her baby lamb and hopefully in the next day or so I'll be able to write what I've been longing to write in my Babydoll Sheep area.  She had a little boy and he's all black and just toooooo precious.  I'm still waiting for the other ewe to have her baby(s).  I check on her several times a day, but no babies yet.

The week flew...it was one of those weeks where the stress levels went off the charts.  I'm pretty good at multi-tasking so inbetween electricians calling my name, the children calling my name and the animals all needing my attention all at the same time, it got to be a little much to say the least lol.

The electricians are gone for the weekend, my boys have headed back to Miami.  The baby lamb is strong and healthy and the rest of the animals are doing well.  FINALLY! I had the time I had been looking for all week to wrap up my latest fencing project.  I've never tried to do this part alone before and I realized something as I busted my hiney on the land...

It's very easy to sit inside and plan out my day to run 7 strands of high tensile wire for the fencing I'm finishing.  I say to myself, "no problem!".  I'll knock about 3 or 4 strands today, finish the rest up Monday...hang the gates and I'll be good to go!  The sheep will be able to walk through pastures and woods, down to creeks to get fresh mountain spring water and all will be well in my world.

Real life however, dictates a much different scenario.

I'll save you the trouble of reading each play by play obstacle I encounted on my single strand of high tensile wire.  Suffice it to say that I fell down the hill and landed on my hiney, fell up the hill and landed on my knees.  I got the riding lawnmower and the wagon that was attached stuck down in the woods by the creek. I fell again down the hill and landed on my hiney, tripped over tree stumps and rocks, fell into the creek, snagged myself a few times on the neighbors barbed wire fencing that borders our property lines.  I threw my girly girl Husky tool carrier across the creek convinced that I could surely throw a mere 3 feet.  There was no way it would land in the water, but it did...and not only did it land in the creek but it landed upside down.  I was ravaged by prickly thangs that I have no idea what they are but they sure are prolific in those woods.  At one point the high tensile wire slipped through my hands as I pulled and pulled and pulled, scratching my side as it went flying through the air.

Through it all, my determination rose to levels I haven't had to drawn upon in a long, long time.  My exhaustion also grew by leaps and bounds and when that dreaded thought of  "am I going to make it?" crossed my mind, I became even more determined to finish that one line. lol

I trudged ahead, pulling the wire around corners that totalled at least 600 feet, pulling, tugging, using my whole body weight to move it forward one more foot.  The end was in my sites and I never realized that 20 feet could seem such a long way away.  Thoughts of plopping down and having myself a good cry seemed like a good idea...later, after I had finished pulling that one line of wire.

I got to the last post before I reached the end, reached into my girly girl Husky tool bag and pulled out one of those horseshoe shaped nail thangs and began to pound it into the last post, securing the wire.

I looked ahead, hope filling my heart as I saw that the end was almost within reaching distance when WHACK, I hit my finger.  Talk about pain...geeeez.

I looked towards the heavens...my heart cried "why?...why did You call me to do all these things?" and then I set my sites on those last few feet to the finish line, pulling, tugging, bound and determined.

I made it.

I finally made it around the new pasture I was fencing.  I had reached the end but I was not real happy with the journey lol.  I was too tired to even cry...a mildly resentful "ha! I did it!" simmered inside.

I stood up, walked all the way back through the woods, up the hill, across the pasture, to where the 4000' spool of high tinsel wire lay on the wheel.  I cut it and stuck it into the ground.  I could barely move but over and over again I couldn't help but think "who cares if it's only one line of wire.  Who cares if I have 6 more to go...those 6 will come to pass another day, but for today, I have one line done".

One line of wire holds more meaning today than it did the day before. lol

After that, I went to the garden nursery where I splurged and bought a bunch of plants...all kinds of flowering plants with bright, vibrant colors.  There is no way I'm going to try to run another line of wire by myself so I decided that I needed something pretty.  I like flowers...flowers are pretty.  So I have about about 40-50 flowers I'm going to plant instead of running one more line of wire.  40-50 might seem like a large amount compared to *1*, but trust me when I tell you, that 40-50 ain't nothing compared to that *1*. lol

:)

March 12, 2011

Where I will stop, I don't know.  At least not yet.

I'm finding my mind is like a movie reel this morning...playing over memories of the beginning, till now.  I think to myself, "where do I start?  how do I communicate in the written word an experience that has impacted my life in unexpected ways, permanently and forever?"...

I think about the blogs I have written so far and they are 'in the moment' musings and experiences I have.  But there are rare times when we're impacted to the point where, even though the world and all the things in our lives continue to revolve, we ourselves can do no more than stop in stunned silence.

That's where I'm at right now.  A chapter in my life is coming to a close.  In this "book" that comprises my life, this particular 'chapter' is profoundly important.  It's a chapter in 'my' book but it's a chapter that when I review it, astonishes me even now.  Little did I realize years ago as I fluttered around in my life...kind of like a butterfly that flutters from bush to bush, that the draw on my heart that lead to the Kangal Dog would eventually lead me here to where I am right now, at this moment in time.

I've known for months now that I would write something like this, some day.  I didn't know when, and even now I don't know exactly what needs to be said...what is in my heart that will soon transpose itself into the written word...but I guess we'll see where I end up by the time I finish this blog.

March 13, 2011

I started writing this particular blog yesterday morning.  I felt a need to begin it but got carried away with the flurry of activity on the farm.  Yesterday afternoon I received an email from Ed Luthy who informed me that Char had gone Home yesterday morning.

For the rest of the day and evening I was overwhelmed with the news. I had thought that I would be able to write about all that lies on my heart right now but this morning I realized that it will take time.  There's no way that I can fully explain everything I've experienced, learned, received, in one short (or long) blog.  It will take time and will unfold in the days to come.  I will capture the wealth Char passed on to me and somehow figure a way to pass it on to you.  I don't think it's totally sunk in yet either but what has, already causes a void to fill my heart.

And then...

I remember that not only I, but all of us have a gift that she gave us in her dogs.  I have something she loved very deeply...the Kangal Dog and specifically, all the dogs on my farm.  I have no dogs from any other breeder...there was never a need.  Char had all that I could ever want in this breed.  They were her passion, as they are mine so I still share that with her.

She started out as my breeder and quickly became my mentor and my friend.  I would tease her and call her mama Char (which she loved) because she was just that type of person.  To those of us that knew her, you'll understand.  And to those of you that never had the honor of knowing her, you will...

Through the Kangal Dogs and their puppies here at Shadow Wings Farm.  Char and Ed worked tirelessly with this breed in a variety of ways.  The dogs that they raised are rock solid in every way...temperment, working ability, conformation, et al.  They typify all we learn when we research their history in Turkey.  Not only did she preserve all that the Kangal Dog is, but did so with all her heart.  That 'heart' is seen in each of her dogs.  Those are not just 'words'...it's really, really true.  I've experienced it every single day since I brought her dogs home to my farm last October.

Last night I kept thinking about how fragile life can be and I couldn't get pass the thought that Ed and Char, their Misty Acres Farm and Kennel will continue to live on for many years to come.  There will come a day when someone will adopt a Kangal puppy and when they look at their pedigree they will see "Misty Acres "So and So", and wonder the history that accompanied that lineage.  I know that I have often wondered that as I've looked back in the generations that have preceeded my pups.  I'm so grateful that at least in part, I know quite intimately, the history of the dogs from Misty Acres.

I'm still in the process of building my site and have a long way to go.  But anyone who gets a puppy from me can go over to Char's site and see a history that is incredibly rich in each of the dogs I breed.  Take a moment if you are so inclined, and step back in time to experience the gift you are being handed from the one who made it all possible for us.

www.mistyacreskennel.com

Oh geez, I miss her.

:(

Come again another day...

Or week, or month...

It has been an unusually wet winter.  I know this for a fact because I was out all winter working on fencing.  It's hard to put PT posts 2-3' in the ground when the ground is soggy.  I learned that "M-10" was my best friend and made all the difference in keeping my posts tight even though the ground was so soft.

Yesterday, it rained all day.  My pond is full to the brim, the creek is rushing down the hills making that sound that only water can make as it flows over small waterfalls and down the creek bed that was carved decades ago.  Not too long ago I was down in the woods where the creek is, removing fallen limbs, pulling last years fall leaves that had gotten trapped on the rocks.  It was amazing as I worked my way down the creek, how the water began to move more swiftly causing that water melody to heighten.

There are times when I will be out on the land and I'll stop for a moment as my ears pick up the waters music.  I don't know why but those sounds always pour a peace into the heart, causing the stresses of normal life to fade just a bit.  As the waters in that creek flow over the rocks, striking each one as if it were a key on a piano, one can't help but notice that this 'musical instrument' is one of the most natural 'notes' He ever created.  Nothing can compare to the sound of rushing waters and if I could, I would capture that sound and place it in this post so that everyone could hear exactly what I hear.

As I write this I realize that those rains that have been such a pest, causing the labor of the work on this farm to increase dramatically, also have a balance.  Aside from the fact that it waters the lands and all living things, it also produces music that I often long to hear.  When the days are much dryer and the creek waters slow down, those sounds also diminish too.  There are times when the sounds are so faint that I'll find myself walking down to the creek to at least visually confirm that the music still plays.

I threw my back out 2 nights ago.  I don't recall doing anything specific that would cause me to say "uh oh", but that night it began to hurt to the point where I could hardly walk.  I woke up at 3:30am yesterday morning because my back was hurting so bad.  All day yesterday as I tried to walk around, confined to the house because of the pouring rains, I was frustrated, resentful and stressed because "I need to get this done outside...I need to get that done outside"...self imposed pressure because nature is oblivious, and actually disrespectful of the plans I have to get everything 'just right' on this farm.

This morning I was somehow able to force myself to sleep past 3:30am when I woke up again.  As I got out of bed I felt like I was walking like a 9 month old pregnant woman who is about to give birth lol.  "waa waa waa" filled my mind and my heart until I opened up the kitchen door and began to hear the music roaring down in the creek.

As the music began to touch my heart I struggled to push it aside with "but, but, but, I need......." and then finally I folded, accepting that the farm was doing quite fine without me making any progress outside.  The animals were safe, well fed, dry and content.  A few of the dogs were actually laying out on their sides, loving the midst that is hanging in the air, oblivious to the soggy ground they lay on.  All was fine in their world, and it started to be ok in my world too.

I found myself sitting on my kitchen steps outside, oblivous to how wet those steps are, watching the rooster and the hens emerge from their coop and walk around.  Rocky, my ram stood at the fence watching me, the limbs on the trees mimicking a music conductor's arms as they kept tempo with the music of the waters roaring in the creek.

These types of things cause one to breathe deeply, inhaling the depth of simple things that fill the heart and defy our best laid plans.

This morning when I was thinking about writing a blog today, I was pondering about what I could write.

Now, it's not that I'm often speechless, as much as it is 'what's on my heart today?'.

When I contemplated what is at the top of the heap at the moment my first thought was "oooooops, I don't know if I should write about that..."

Well, you know what I decided?  It's my blog and I can write whatever I want...and surely, I'm not the only one that has days like these...  :)

The day has started out with a list that would require an 18' ladder to reach.  If I start to add up all the things I have on this list, it starts to get overwhelming.  So I try to categorize my lists into different areas, like...

"Critical projects"

"Projects that would make me feel good"  lol

"Projects that would make something on the farm look pretty"

"Projects that nobody would never notice or see, but that *I* would know, and would make life easier"

And of course the dreaded, "I don't wanna do this project" project.

In case y'all are wondering, "Critical Projects" win today, even though I flirted with the idea of doing something that would make me feel good or would make something on the farm look pretty lol...

I closed my eyes to the rest of the projects on the list, trying to focus on the most critical need on the Critical Project list because that wave of feeling overwhelmed wants to crash against me at any given moment.  I can't help but to sometimes look towards the heavenlies and say, "there's no way", and He always, always, always tells me the same thing.

"My grace is sufficient".

I don't think I can explain exactly what that means and all it entails, but I can say that it's true.

And then, as I get done prioritizing my day, I get the dreaded phone call from a person who made commitments to get some work done on the farm that are critical, that I can't do myself.

"Take a vacation!" he says.  I say, "are you joking?".  No, he's actually quite serious.  He wants me to leave the farm for 2 weeks so that he and his men can come in and do all the work they have contracted to do so that when I come back home, everything will be perfect!

That kind of illusion just doesn't fit into my world.  Who will feed the cows, horses, pigs, sheep, goats, dogs, etc?  Who will finish the projects that are on my Critical Project list that I can do myself?  Who will do all the things that need to be done on a working farm while I'm gone?

And then, he says something that makes me mad.  He informs me that I will have to remove and board my dogs.  He doesn't like dogs, and even though he won't be here to do the work himself (his guys are going to do it), he wants to sit in his suburbian home, underneath a shade tree and dictate that I remove my dogs.

He owes us an enormous amount of money, and has for years.  He never paid his bills so having him do this work in his area of expertise was a way of balancing the scales.  After asking for 2 years for him to come and get this critically needed work done, all of a sudden he wants me to take a vacation for 2 weeks, and oh by the way, board my dogs and leave my animals all alone for 2 weeks?

I started to get angry with this whole thing but then the hurt that was lying underneath began to grow until I just didn't care about being angry...I was just hurt.  I feel betrayed and it never ceases to amaze me how some people are.

I told Him my feelings are very hurt...I even started to cry but then He filled me with His peace.

I think it will be another day of not having all the answers but having His peace, and at the end of the day I will experience once again that His grace truly is sufficient.

This morning, Thor came into the house for a little while to spend some time with the family.  He's 2 1/2 now, so he's well on his way to becoming a mature, adult male Kangal.  He's always been a big boy but it's been a while since we've had him in the house...

All my children are tall...one son is 6'6", another son 6'4".  My oldest daughter is 5'9" and my youngest daughter is 5'11".  I guess that means I'm the shrimp in the family at only 5'8" lol...

Anyway, when Thor came inside, we were all amazed at how huge he is.  I always talk about how big he is, because he is big lol.  But 'seeing' how big he is out in the pasture is completely different from experiencing how huge he is in the house.  He kept going between my oldest daughter and I...I would love him up until my hands started to hurt (lol), and then he'd walk over to her and she would do the same.  Back and forth he would go, spending a few minutes with each of us over and over again.  As this was all unfolding, all of us commented several times about what a big boy he is.  My daughter informed me that if I ever wanted to rehome Thor that she'd be more than willing to sacrifice (?) and take him home.  Fat chance.  I'm frequently approached by friends and family who offer to take him off my hands.

That'll never happen because his home is in my heart and nobody can ever take that away...

Anyway, as we were standing in the greatroom loving on Thor, I was amazed by not only his build, but his height.  I'm long legged and my oldest daughter is long waisted.  On me, the top of his head came to the bottom of my rib cage.  On my oldest daughter, his head comes to the middle of her rib cage.  Now, I know this is alot of unnecessary detail (lol), but I'm just trying to illustrate this whole situation.

I just remember standing there with him by my side, amazed that his head came so high.  His physical appearance aside though, he is perfect in every way.  He's level headed, laid back and calm...only rising to the occasion when necessary.  I can trust him with any animal or any person (no matter how big or small), as long as they are 'good guys' lol.

He reminds me of the classic guy that everyone loves...great personality, good looks, down to earth, humble, great sense of humor and someone you can trust and count on.

These days, with so much craziness going on in this world, "trust" and the ability to count on something is a rare commodity.  Thank you Lokum and Maverick for producing such a stunning son.

He does y'all proud.

I feel like a papparazzi these days.  I want to do nothing more than sit for hours with Canan and the pups, taking a thousand pictures of every move they make because everything they do is just too cute to me.

So, yesterday when I went in there to get my daily photo session fix, I sat down on the floor and noticed that Canan was glaring at me.  I looked at her kind of quizzically, not understanding why she had 'that look' on her face and asked her what was going on. 

She continued to glare at me.

I sat there, going down 'the list' of possible things that could be wrong and marked them off when I decided there was no concern..."she's not sick, she's not thirsty, she's not in pain, etc"...

And yet, she continued to glare.

Finally, I began to wonder if it was because she felt I was invading her space with her puppies, so I tried to assure her that I was only trying to 'record the moment' for historical purposes :) but she contined to glare.

I decided to pull rank on her being that I'm the Queen Bee around here and allowed to do whatever I want.  I lifted up my camera to begin to take a picture when all of a sudden, she leaned her head forward and with her nose, pushed the camera away.

Oh my gosh, I'm so busted.  Word will quickly get out that I'm a "papparazzi to the Kangals" and soon all of my dogs will run when I go out to visit them, talking real sweet to them, trying to capture a 'moment in time'.

*sigh*

Breeding Kangals has it's pitfalls, I guess.

;)

The puppies are now 24 hours old and I find my heart yearning to just go stretch out on the floor next to Canan and the puppies and watch them for hours and hours.

It's funny how much enjoyment can be derived from just watching every move they make...every sound they utter.

And it's interesting how strongly they pull on my heart, causing me to make sure they each get their fair share of mama's milk.  They already have puffy little tummys that are full.  The beautiful pink color on the bottom of their paws is the prettiest pink I've ever seen.

We had a massive storm pass through her yesterday afternoon.  It caused several trees to fall including a huge pine close to my fencing.  God was good though because it fell parallel instead of right on the fencing, saving me alot of worry of fence damage.  All the animals were ok, which was most important and the trees?  Well, I'll just be a chainsaw princess today.

:)