His Grace is Sufficientby Darlene on 03/08/11
This morning when I was thinking about writing a blog today, I was pondering about what I could write.
Now, it's not that I'm often speechless, as much as it is 'what's on my heart today?'.
When I contemplated what is at the top of the heap at the moment my first thought was "oooooops, I don't know if I should write about that..."
Well, you know what I decided? It's my blog and I can write whatever I want...and surely, I'm not the only one that has days like these... :)
The day has started out with a list that would require an 18' ladder to reach. If I start to add up all the things I have on this list, it starts to get overwhelming. So I try to categorize my lists into different areas, like...
"Projects that would make me feel good" lol
"Projects that would make something on the farm look pretty"
"Projects that nobody would never notice or see, but that *I* would know, and would make life easier"
And of course the dreaded, "I don't wanna do this project" project.
In case y'all are wondering, "Critical Projects" win today, even though I flirted with the idea of doing something that would make me feel good or would make something on the farm look pretty lol...
I closed my eyes to the rest of the projects on the list, trying to focus on the most critical need on the Critical Project list because that wave of feeling overwhelmed wants to crash against me at any given moment. I can't help but to sometimes look towards the heavenlies and say, "there's no way", and He always, always, always tells me the same thing.
"My grace is sufficient".
I don't think I can explain exactly what that means and all it entails, but I can say that it's true.
And then, as I get done prioritizing my day, I get the dreaded phone call from a person who made commitments to get some work done on the farm that are critical, that I can't do myself.
"Take a vacation!" he says. I say, "are you joking?". No, he's actually quite serious. He wants me to leave the farm for 2 weeks so that he and his men can come in and do all the work they have contracted to do so that when I come back home, everything will be perfect!
That kind of illusion just doesn't fit into my world. Who will feed the cows, horses, pigs, sheep, goats, dogs, etc? Who will finish the projects that are on my Critical Project list that I can do myself? Who will do all the things that need to be done on a working farm while I'm gone?
And then, he says something that makes me mad. He informs me that I will have to remove and board my dogs. He doesn't like dogs, and even though he won't be here to do the work himself (his guys are going to do it), he wants to sit in his suburbian home, underneath a shade tree and dictate that I remove my dogs.
He owes us an enormous amount of money, and has for years. He never paid his bills so having him do this work in his area of expertise was a way of balancing the scales. After asking for 2 years for him to come and get this critically needed work done, all of a sudden he wants me to take a vacation for 2 weeks, and oh by the way, board my dogs and leave my animals all alone for 2 weeks?
I started to get angry with this whole thing but then the hurt that was lying underneath began to grow until I just didn't care about being angry...I was just hurt. I feel betrayed and it never ceases to amaze me how some people are.
I told Him my feelings are very hurt...I even started to cry but then He filled me with His peace.
I think it will be another day of not having all the answers but having His peace, and at the end of the day I will experience once again that His grace truly is sufficient.